Grief & Loss

Have you lost a loved one and need a safe, non-judgmental place to process your pain? Perhaps family and friends have expressed concern that you're not "over it" yet? (Maybe you share those concerns?) Or have you lost a pet, a relationship, a job, your faith, or something else you hold dear but no one seems to understand the depth of your feelings? It's also possible that grief may arise during therapy for other issues; some clients are surprised to realize how much grief has been buried for a long time.

Whether grief is what brings you to therapy or if it emerges as we work on other concerns, I will bear witness to and hold space for your grief and all of the emotions that come with it. Often there are complex feelings to sort through and our grief-avoidant culture does not provide many places where the full spectrum of emotions can be expressed and explored.

You won't hear platitudes or false promises from me, nor efforts to cheer you up. I will meet you right where you are and help you take care of yourself as you move at your own pace along the winding path of grief. I'll help you explore what is and isn't helping you and then coach you on how to communicate your needs and set boundaries with well-meaning others who are sometimes clueless about what to do or say to help you in your pain.

You may have heard about the so-called "stages of grief" and wondered how long it will take to go through them or why you're not moving through them fast enough. While there might be some common experiences shared by those in grief, I have learned both personally and professionally that grief work is not a linear process involving stages. Thus, with kindness, compassion, and curiosity, I will come alongside you on your unique grief journey, without any expectations that you will follow a prescribed path.

As your journey unfolds, we'll explore how grief is an extension of love and how sorrow and joy can be held at the same time. It will be a privilege to hold space for you as you process all of these things and more.

"Pain and joy can comfortably sit alongside one another; it is only the world that tells us we must 'get over the pain' to feel happiness. Every emotion can flow simultaneously, and by allowing them to dwell in the same space, we are truly embracing life." (Zoe Clark-Coates)

I am currently in Professional Grief Care training with psychotherapist and grief advocate, Megan Devine, author of It's OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed.

Religious Harm & Faith Concerns

Have you experienced homophobia, transphobia, or misogyny in your church or religion? Have you been rejected by your family or faith community because of your gender identity or sexual orientation and need a safe, non-judgmental place to process and begin to heal those deep wounds? Did you go through conversion therapy or a "pray the gay away" ministry program to try to "fix" your sexual orientation only to be left wondering if God could really love you as you are? It's an understatement that these experiences have been harmful to you; I will provide compassionate care and help you sort through the many emotions and questions you're carrying. Using a variety of therapeutic modalities, we will work together to help you find peace and greater self-acceptance as you navigate the complexities of healing from your religious wounds and trauma.

Perhaps you haven't experienced religious harm, but you find yourself doubting the faith you believed in strongly for many years—even your whole life—and don't know where you can process those doubts and questions without feeling judged. Or maybe you've already left your faith but aren't sure what to do or where to go next on your spiritual journey (if anywhere at all). You don't have to go through any of this alone. As a former evangelical pastor, I have been on my own "faith shift" journey for the past five years; I've experienced the angst and complexities of questioning and shedding beliefs that were once the bedrock of my life.

I'm a secular therapist who understands the "church world" well, as I was in it for nearly 40 years—most of the time in some kind of leadership role. I know what it's like to move from solid certainty to raging doubt; and the deep feelings of grief in losing my core sense of identity and belonging. I will walk with you on your journey of deconstruction (though it might feel more like unraveling) and offer you care and hope. Over time, you'll discover the joy and freedom of becoming your authentic self and begin to make choices and decisions based on your heart, mind, and gut, not from the "shoulds" of a system.

Along with being a therapist, I'm a certified spiritual director (I prefer "facilitator"). I will come alongside you with NO AGENDA for your journey. Your path will unfold organically as you begin to voice your questions and lean into your own intuitive sense of truth in a safe, non-judgmental space where all of your doubts, thoughts, fears, and other emotions can be expressed and explored. You alone will determine the direction(s) your path will go. It will be an honor to bear witness to and walk with you on your evolving spiritual journey.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Anais Nin)

Life Transitions

Are you in the midst of a life phase change and struggling with the complexities of saying goodbye to one season and moving into another? Do you feel caught between the "now and the not yet?" Do you sometimes feel that others want you to "focus on the positive" so you can't express sadness about what you're leaving behind or your fears of the unknown future? I don't want you to be alone with those feelings anymore.

While some life transitions can be exciting, often they come with trepidations and a large mix of emotions. I will help you explore the full spectrum of feelings that come with life phase changes. By exploring and processing these emotions you'll become more present to yourself and those who are with you on the journey. You'll be able to "leave well" and enter whatever comes next with open hands, open heart, and open mind.

Not all transitions are exciting or expected, though. Perhaps a big change has come out of the blue and you're feeling thrown off course. Have you've been laid off from a job you loved and need to find a new position quickly to make ends meet? Or maybe you're going through a divorce and are having trouble navigating the emotional haze. Perhaps an aging parent needs you to relocate in order to take care of them? Or maybe you've been diagnosed with a condition that will require you to make major lifestyle changes. Whatever unexpected transition you're facing, I can help you sort through your feelings and cope with the overwhelm you're experiencing. Using a variety of therapeutic tools we will collaborate on helping you stay centered in your authentic self as you make important decisions for yourself and those you love.

"Always we begin again." (Benedict)

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” (Seneca)

Relationship Counseling

Individual Work
Are you struggling in your partnered relationship but your significant other doesn’t want come to counseling? I can still help. I will offer you tools to benefit you as well as your relationship. The only person you can truly change is yourself, but it’s an interesting phenomenon that when one person starts to change in a relationship, the other person often follows suit. Fair warning—things may get worse before they get better as there’s usually pushback when patterns are disrupted; I’ll help you stay the course through that potentially bumpy season. And if your relationship doesn’t eventually improve to your satisfaction, I will help you process the decision of whether to stay or leave. 

Perhaps your relationship struggles aren’t with a romantic partner, but with a family member, friend, colleague, or someone else. I can help you sort through difficult relational dynamics and coach you in setting appropriate boundaries, while communicating your feelings, needs, and wants with kindness and respect (both to yourself and others). While I don’t meet with entire families in conflict, I would be happy to work with you and one other person to help foster healthier dynamics in your relationship.

Couple Work
Are you and your partner caught in the same argument loops and want to learn how to break the cycle? Has there been a breach of trust and you want to repair the rupture? Perhaps your partnership is new and you want some tools to lay a healthy foundation for the long haul? I can help you with those issues and more.  

While I will work with both of you together, neither of you is actually my client. So who is? YOUR RELATIONSHIP. All that I do in couple work is for the benefit of your relationship. This mean that sometimes you might feel like I’m siding with your partner or working against you. Please know in those moments that I’m working FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP. We will process these things together in an atmosphere of kindness, compassion, and curiosity, always with the goal of benefiting your relationship.

I am heavily influenced by the work of Stan Tatkin who developed PACT—Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy. That sounds far more clinical than it is! PACT is based on attachment theory, meaning how you attached to your primary caregivers in childhood is usually how you’re attaching to your partner today. We’ll look at both of your individual patterns and how they come together in your relationship. I’ll help you cultivate compassion and understanding for yourselves and each other. And I’ll give you tools to help you create a secure-functioning "couple bubble" where you can nurture each other through good times and bad. You’ll begin to think more in terms of "we" than "me." You’ll become experts on each other and learn to move toward each other with love and care, even during conflict. This isn’t easy work and it takes time, but the benefits are well worth the effort and investment! 

“To take the risk of loving, we must become vulnerable enough to test the radical proposition that knowledge of another and self-revelation will ultimately increase rather than decrease love." (Sam Keene)

Are you ready to take the next steps?
Reach out to me for a free 15-minute consultation.